Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
