there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
