It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
