hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They took my balls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
