my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
