About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize