okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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