I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
