There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize