Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
