woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
