You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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