I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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