There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
