Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
