Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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