haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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