Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
