Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I understand Curling. That high.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
