Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
