I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
