My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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