'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize