Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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