Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
