That's intense
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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