A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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