24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
