Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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