We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
