Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
