I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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