I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
