do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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