There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
