also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
