There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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