i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
