Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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