If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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