I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
