I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
