i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
