he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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