Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
