oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
