Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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