No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
