I wish I could teleport
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
