Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
