so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
