I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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