I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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