i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
