Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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